Letting God Change Me

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.

Before you were born I set you apart,

I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:5

I’m still not quite sure why I do it, but, I always try to “develop” myself into something else.  Under the guise of “plan, do, study, act” I look at my failures, try to “develop” those failures out so that I become a better version of myself.  For all intents and purposes, that’s not a bad thing.  But, somehow, something in me takes it to a different level that involves battling thoughts of illegitimacy, being a fraud, stupid, uneducated, worthless, rejected.  My most recent failure set the cycle off all over again.  This time though, I want to let God speak.  Maybe it’s not a failure.  Maybe it’s his will that puts me on a different path.  Just maybe this is part of his process in changing me into what he purposed for me from before I was even born.  Just maybe I can relax and trust his process.

My prayer for today is that God’s voice and his love for me would speak louder to me than the accuser of the brethren (Rev 12:10).  Help me to trust his process to develop me into what he wants not what I think I need to be.  Only God can equip me for the purpose that he created me to fulfill. 

Things I Said I’d Never Do

I am not a writer.  You’ll probably figure that out by the end of this post.  If I could be anybody, I would want to be Chondra Pierce.  At least she’s funny.  But, here I am nonetheless, writing this post for my new blog:  Aging Awkwardly.   Not a writer.  Not funny.  But, I can learn.  I do not consider myself to be an expert and I consider myself unqualified to write about anything.   The only things I considered myself good at were all left behind when I retired last summer.

I’ve never been in love with the domestic arts.  In fact, I always treated them with great contempt and disdain.  My mother and grandmother tried to teach me, but, I just wasn’t interested.  In fact, I had a list of things my mother did that I said I would never do:

  1. Grow my own vegetables.  Garden in any form.
  2. Can or preserve the vegetables grown in a garden.
  3. Use bacon grease to cook green beans until they were mush.
  4. Sew.
  5. Quilt.
  6. Knit.
  7. Own or use a cast iron skillet.
  8. Own anything made of double knit polyester.

Unfortunately, due to decreased income and copious amounts of free time, I have done a lot of items 4, 6 and 7.  I am happy to report that I still haven’t violated numbers 1, 2, 3, 5 and 8.

So, what is Aging Awkwardly all about?  Like me, that hasn’t been clearly defined.   So, for now,  I will be sharing my experiences and thoughts about different parts of the middle age female journey.

Awkward means hard to handle; difficult.  Aging is hard to handle, and, it’s definitely difficult.  I’m not exactly embracing it.  But, maybe with help, I can find a place where I can tolerate it.

EJ Gipson